Hold On to Jesus

One my earliest pieces of art. The description is an old one, where I pretty much just rambled about my then-current spiritual condition.

"I sketched this to the song "Hold On to Jesus" by the O.C. Supertones. Great song, one that really speaks to me.

The image itself is related to the way the song cuts right to the heart of things in my life - past frustrating relationships with people uninterested in using their time for what lasts, past struggles with temptation and menial trials, and right to the fact that no matter how frayed and tattered I might feel, I can cling to Christ. Tell him about everything... my dreams and my troubles... and that, beyond all my earthly interests is the eternal God who desires my fellowship and my worship. Every time I listen through the song, gears turn, my heart melts, and I once again feel a bond to my Savior. It pretty much lets me start fresh. It's like rebooting my mind and soul.

Translating this feeling to an image wasn't too hard; first and foremost, I spend all my time in my room in a basement. A dimly lit, cold, silent, and lonely basement. Whenever I'm down there, which is all the time, it's just me and God. I always feel His gaze and presence, and it chases away the loneliness. That's mostly why I don't socialize a lot - I feel most of my social desires are met by simply knowing that God's around, and that He hears my every thought... so I just think away. So, my general mood through every day is one of a serene assurance of His love and company. This all was my backdrop for the concept of the image.

That's a Bible in my hands, if the big ol' cross didn't tip you off - actually, my Bible doesn't really look like that, but a nondescript black book wouldn't have given the same impression. And putting "Holy Bible" on there in gold would have been hard to read and not as significant, I don't think... I figured, if anybody's going to think less of me for reading from a Bible, and one with a big fat cross on it at that, then I'll be that much better off.

Anyways, there are a number of elements of the scene itself that resonate in my own mind as significant representations of my life. The scene itself is one of my usual times of meditation... I sit hunched and surrendered, a natural position for when I'm praying... I hold the Bible in my hands, though not usually open when I'm praying... the area around me fades as I push aside all the details, all the struggles, all the pent-up wrath and sadness I've carried with me, only to deposit it at the feet of the Lord, and let it be gone forever. That's just the way it always is, night to night... though there have been times when I just don't feel right in the Lord's eyes, and I avoid Him, and skip this practice altogether. There are also times when I just feel too busy, or tell myself I need the sleep, and neglect to set aside time for my Father. Shame on me. Seriously, -shame- on me. I made this after a long stretch of chaotic scheduling, schoolwork, and choking amidst darkness for weeks on end, and basically putting God on hold. I ended the "drought" with an intimate time with the Lord, reading His Word, and asking for strength for the days to come...

To do justice to rendering times like these, I figured I'd have to try something new, not the same old cheesy polygon lasso gig. I fooled around with Levels a bit, and finally went with a raw, almost naked look to the lineart. I left much of it unaltered, as you can see - notebook paper lines and all. It looked the most genuine - not attempting to look "nice and orderly" with solid lines, but instead with the rough, honest look at things. Some parts are imperfect, not quite completed... I tried to fix up the ones that might leave a viewer somewhat confused, like the clock, so that it doesn't detract or distract from the theme - meditation, contrition, and dependence on an omnipresent and mighty God. I gave up on trying to "spiff it up" in favor of reinforcing the true message of the piece.

I hope to do more of these in the future - that is, pictures off of songs. Maybe not always of myself, or in a normal setting - I might try some other more fanciful songs, and see what kind of results I get for those. I have always enjoyed drawing mental scenes based on what songs provide, so I'll probably try one that concerns actioney / reflective stuff next instead of a simple down-to-earth image of my personal life.

[6-7 Hours; Notebook, BiC .7 mechanical pencils, Photoshop Elements]

EDIT - 1/4/06 - I've uploaded a "revamped" version of this pic. Thy Word :: Revamp - new and improved artwork, new discussion of my current state of faith... if you like this one, check it out.